This should be our season, Cora. Our season of brilliant sunshine, yellow and red leaves, change in the air. Our season of looking ahead, looking forward to meeting each other. A happy season. Instead it feels empty to me, and the falling leaves carry sadness with them. I feel the foreboding of winter on the horizon, with all of its coldness and the reminders of what should have been.
My body is getting back to normal, but it still feels like Cora should be growing inside of me. Part of it all just feels like a dream now...some days I can't even remember what it felt like to be pregnant with her. I feel so very not pregnant now. It feels like nothing ever happened at all. I don't have Cora with me, and my body has no remnants of pregnancy left. It may as well be October, 6, 2010 for all I know.
And yet, Cora exists. I birthed her. I see the photos, her beautiful face, her perfect little body. And I know it was real, that it really happened. And then I miss her all the more.
